Congrats! It’s you’re first birthday! The path to adulthood is marked by ages that signify responsibility: 16, you can get your driver’s license; 18 you can vote, join the Army, and enter into legally binding contracts; 21, you can numb your pain with alcohol, and 25 you can finally rent a car. These are certainly landmark birthdays that arrive with serious significance; but starting at age one (1), every year brings about new and exciting privileges and responsibilities.
Age 1: You can play with unvaccinated kids.
As long as you’re fully immunized.
Age 2: You can watch TV (without rotting the brain).
The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that children under two years of age should avoid TV consumption.
Age 3: You get your own seat on airplanes.
Your new privilege is a costly burden on your parents.
Age 4: You can attend Broadway shows.
Age 5: You have the right to learn stuff.
It’s not for everyone.
Age 6: Hot Tubs!
According to the CDC, children under five years old should not be exposed to water of not more than 95° F.
Age 7: You can dine at this restaurant in Australia.
Business is booming for this restaurant that banned children under 7.
Age 8: You can ditch your parents at public pools.
You can be left unattended at public pools, after passing a series of swim tests.
Age 9: You Can Kill!
*Big-game hunting (in most states).
Age 10: You’re competent to testify in court.
Children under 10 might be able testify, but the court presumes you’re a booger eating moron.
Age 11: You can bang your head.
In an attempt to reduce concussions among youth soccer players, the United States Soccer Federation bans players under 11 from heading the ball.
Age 12: You can use hard drugs!
FDA warns against children younger than 12 taking codeine.
Age 13: If your parents divorce, you can pick sides.
A child’s parental preferences are important at any age, but when a child reaches 13, his or her wishes are given more weight by the court. (*states vary)
Age 14: You can join the workforce.
Stay in school.
Age 15: You can ride a moped.
Personal Note: My dad died when I was 13. For the next two years, I saved money for a moped so I could visit the cemetery on my own.