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Fame! I’m Gonna Live Forever

Twin of the Day – Clementine: Mom recently went out with her friends for cocktails — her first night out since the girls were born. I insisted. It’s important for her mental health. I even encouraged her to flirt with other men to prove to herself that she’s still got it! So, after mom pumped enough breast milk to keep the girls satiated through the night, I gave her some words of encouragement, and pushed her out the door. I was excited to have some time alone with the girls — my first opportunity to start cultivating an alliance against mom.

“Girls! Who’s ready for a slumber party?!”

PENNY: “Isn’t it time for bed, daddy? Mom has us on a schedule.”

“Well, your mom’s a stickler for LAW & ORDER — Dad is all about FUN & GAMES!” Continue reading Fame! I’m Gonna Live Forever

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Women of the 21st Century

Twin of the Day — Clementine: Clementine is thankful for the privileges that attach to her status as a woman of the 21st Century. As a student of history, she realizes that in the not so distant past, women were treated as mere possessions or second class citizens. BUT, as a modern woman, she is free to follow her wildest hopes and dreams — whether it’s raising a traditional family in the suburbs, dedicating her life to public service, competing as an MMA fighter, or even traveling across the cosmos as an astronaut surgeon.

However, she’s a little anxious after overhearing a conversation between mom and dad. I, somewhat facetiously, expressed how happy I was to have girls — “We don’t have to worry about them playing football and suffering brain damage!” Michelle quickly shot back, “What a relief! We just have to worry about eating disorders and being raped by football players.”

“Daddy, didn’t you play football?”

“Yes, sweetie.”

“How many women did you rape?” Continue reading Women of the 21st Century